So, as we reach the end of the year, various author types are going to start putting together lists of stories they've written, or awards for which they are eligible, sometimes with specific instructions on how to nominate works for Hugos, and sometimes taking a somewhat more coy approach--"Since campaigning is frowned upon, I don't want to mention specific awards. I will mention that you should never trust a ________ award (not a Hugo), and that 90% of short fiction authors win a _______ award. (1)"
I've decided to be a bit more forthright. Based on the quality of my work in 2012, I think that I deserve both the Nobel Peace Prize, and the Nobel Prize in Literature, and I hope that those of you reading this who are qualified to nominate consider me for both those awards.
As far as the peace prize goes, I will note that I'm responsible for far fewer deaths than previous laureates, such as Henry Kissinger, and that as a result of mononucleosis I've spent much of the last few months sleeping, a reasonably peaceful activity.
In literature, I've written a few things, most notably, "Between the Dragon and His Wrath," a hilarious bit of writing that appeared in the issue of Scintilla that papersky put together for Worldcon, assuming that she actually put it together. I've also written some Facebook comments that are worth serious consideration. (2)
So, assuming (as I do) that you are all members of national assemblies or international courts, university rectors, past recipients of the Nobel Prize for either peace, literature, or both, active and former members of the Norwegian Nobel Committee, members of the Swedish Academy and of other academies, institutions and societies which are similar to it in construction and purpose, professors of literature and of linguistics at universities and university colleges, and so on, I urge you to get your nominations for me in before the deadline--they have to be postmarked by February 1st.
Thanks for your support and I hope to see you all in Stockholm! (3)
(1) I am aware that you can't actually nominate people for a Sturgeon Award. I am also aware that very few people have won Sturgeon awards, and that the number is certainly lower than 90% of short fiction writers. I just thought it would be a funny thing to say.
(2) Earlier today, I made a trenchant remark that really helped put an ongoing discussion into perspective. "But Yossie, I know what things designed for killing look like. They look like giant heads with tiny little hands and feet."
(3) Except you, Kissinger.